History of FAQ:
v1.0 March '94 - The original, only took a few hours to write.
v1.1 April '94 - Added some small bits of info and Incesticide info
v2.0 April '94 - Added Kurt's death and a few others...
v3.0 June '94 - A few minor changes.
v3.1 July '94 - Added Kurt vs Axl and Vanity Fair stuff
v3.2 Aug '94 - Removed suicide note, added demo list
v3.3 Nov '94 - Added a few minor things
v4.0 Jan '95 - A few major changes, including full text of suicide note
v4.1 March '96 - Added a few song titles

Without these people, the world would suck:
Rick Scaia (for the mailing list), Art Lee (for the discography), Alex Lum
(for giving me comments way back when), Liz Ellison (a great source of
wisdom), Michael Azerrad (who writes all the pretty books)
Everyone who supported alt.music.nirvana, and everyone else who I
might have missed
Extra Special thanks go out to: Kurt Cobain, Krist Novoselic, and Dave Grohl
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I. The Band

a.1 How it all began -
The core of Nirvana formed when Kurt Cobain met Krist (then Chris)
Novoselic throught the punk band 'The Melvins'. Since then, they have
gone through many different drummers and different names.

a.2 Who they were, and where are they now -

Band Name Who was in it/what did he play Where now?
========= ============================== ==========
Fecal Matter Kurt Cobain - Guitar/Vocals
Dale Crover - Bass Guitar
Greg Hokanson - Drums
Mike Dillard - Drums

Brown Cow Buzz Osborne - Bass Guitar The Melvins
Dale Crover - Drums The Melvins
Kurt Cobain - Guitar/Vocals

Stiff Woodies Krist - Vocals
Various Guitar and Bass
Kurt - Drums

The Sellouts Steve Newman - Bass Guitar (lost fingers in
chainsaw accident)
Kurt Cobain - Drums
Krist - Guitar/Vocals

??????? Kurt - Guitar/Vocals
Krist - Bass Guitar
Bob McFadden - Drums

Skid Row Aaron Burckhard - Drums
Kurt - Guitar
Krist - Bass Guitar
Ted Ed Fred }
Bliss }
Throat Oyster }Same as Skid Row
Pen Cap Chew }
Windowpane }

Nirvana Aaron Burckhard - Drums Band - Attica
Dave Foster - Drums ???
Chad Channing - Drums Band - The Fire Ants
Jason Everman - Guitar Band - Mindfunk
Danny Peters - Drums Band - Mudhoney
Dave Grohl - Drums
John Duncan - Guitar Band - The Exploited
Pat Smear - Guitar

a.3 Current Sketch -
As of right now, there is no more Nirvana, Kurt Cobain committed suicide
on or around 4/5/94.

b - The sum-it-all-up time line -
??-??-75 Kurt's parents divorce, Kurt lives with mother
??-??-79 Krist's family moves to Aberdeen
??-??-83 Krist graduates from high school
??-??-89 Blew EP recorded
?

II. The Songs

DISCLAIMER: These interpretations are taken from interviews with the
band and other articles. They are not my opinion of what the songs mean.
The songs aren't meant to be deeply analyzed. In an interview Kurt
once said that the songs are whatever you want them to mean.
?

a.1 Bleach

Album produced by Jack Endino, Drums are Chad Channing except where otherwise
noted.

Blew (2:53)
- The whole song conveys themes of entrapment

Floyd the Barber (2:15)
- A song about a small town that goes bad, the title is taken from a character
on The Andy Griffith Show. Everyone turns out to be a mass-murderer. The
song also shows Freudian castration fears.
Drums: Dale Crover

About A Girl (2:46)
- A song written for Kurt's girlfriend Tracy, she threatened to kick him out
if he didn't get a job.

School (2:40)
- A song about the incestous Seattle Scene. The bands seem to resemble
high school cliques.

Love Buzz (3:33)
- A cover song from the swedish group Shocking Blue

Paper Cuts (4:04)
- Part of the lyrics are based on a true story of a family
that Kurt was acquainted with, who locked their children in a room. Other
lyrics have to deal with parents, and neglect.
Drums: Dale Crover

Negative Creep (2:52)
- the first person narrative from an antisocial person

Scoff (4:07)
- A song that's directed towards the people who didn't believe in
Kurt's musical aspirations

Swap Meet (3:00)
- A battle of the sexes put in the background of a Sunday swap meet

Mr. Moustache (3:21)
- Speaks out against the stereotypical male macho image

Sifting (5:21)
- seems to take on authority figures with it's mention of preachers
and teachers

Big Cheese (3:40)
- This song is written about Sub Pop man Jonathan Poneman and
the pressures he put on the band.

Downer (1:42)
- Kurt's attempt at a political song.
Drums: Dale Crover

a.2 Nevermind -
Produced by Butch Vig, Drums are Dave Grohl on all tracks.

Smells Like Teen Spirit (5:01)
- An attack on the apathy of our own generation

In Bloom (4:14)
- An attack on people who listen to certain music for the wrong
reason. Imagine the macho, gun toting guy who sings alone to Nirvana, but
has no clue what he's singing about. (This song fits my ex-roommate to a T).

Come As You Are (3:38)
- A song full of contradictions on how we act versus how
we think society thinks we should act.

Breed (3:03)
- Growing up and being trapped by middle class america.

Lithium (4:15)
- A first person narrative of a nervous breakdown, or an update of
the Marxist description of religion as 'Opiate of the masses'.
An ode to disconnection.

Polly (2:54)
- Based on the actual kidnapping of a 14 year old girl and her torture.

Territorial Pissings (2:22)
- Multi-themed song that attacks macho men.

Drain You (3:44)
- A song about (plainly and simply) love. Highly medical theme.

Lounge Act (2:36)
- A song about having a certain vision and being smothered by a relationship.

Stay Away (3:31)
- An attack on any conformist clique.

On A Plain (3:14)
- Many small lines of poetry having multi themes.

Something in the way (3:51)
- A song about Kurt's experiences living under a bridge when he was
kicked out of home.

Endless, Nameless (6:45)
-Previously called 'The Noise Jam'. An experimental song created when
one of the takes on Lithium went bad.

a.3 Incesticide -

Dive (3:53)
-
Produced by: Jack Endino Drums:

Sliver (2:12)
-A semi-biographical song about being deserted by your parents
Produced by: Jack Endino Drums: Dan Peters

Stain (2:37)
-
Produced by: Jack Endino Drums: Chad Channing

Been A Son (1:53)
-Song about a girl whose parents wanted a boy
From: BBC Sessions Drums: Dave Grohl

Turnaround (2:17)
-Cover of a Devo song
From: Hormoaning Drums: Dave Grohl

Molly's Lips (1:51)
-Cover of a Vaselines song
From: Hormoaning Drums: Dave Grohl

Son of a Gun (2:47)
-Cover of a Vaselines song
From: Hormoaning Drums: Dave Grohl

New Wave Polly (1:46)
-Faster recording of Nevermind's Polly
From: BBC Sessions Drums: Dave Grohl

Beeswax (2:47)
-????
From: Kill Rock Stars compilation Drums: Chad Channing

Downer (1:47)
-See 'Bleach'
From: Bleach Drums: Dale Crover

Mexican Seafood (1:52)
-Some people seem to believe t his is about a yeast infection
From: Teriyaki Asthma compilation Drums: Chad Channing

Hairspray Queen (4:12)
-????
Produced by: Jack Endino Drums: Chad Channing

Aero Zeppelin (4:39)
-????
Produced by: Jack Endino Drums: Chad Channing

Big Long Now (5:01)
-????
Produced by: Jack Endino Drums: Chad Channing

Aneurysm (4:36)
-Possibly about shooting heroin
From: BBC Sessions Drums: Dave Grohl

a.4 In Utero -
Album produced by Steve Albini, all drums by Dave Grohl.

Serve the Servants (3:54)
- An autobiographical song about the whole Nirvana experience, the 'witch
hunt' on Courtney Love, and a sarcastic response to the emphasis placed
on the divorce of Kurt's parents

Scentless Apprentice (3:47)
- Based on the novel 'Perfume' by Patrick Suskind, about a perfume
maker who kills virgins for their scent.

Heart Shaped Box (4:39)
-(You could write a book about this song) Themes of co-dependancy and
many other themes.

Rape me (2:49)
- In Kurt's words, the song is a sort of poetic justice. A guy rapes a
girl. He ends up in jail and is raped there.

Frances Farmer... (4:07)
- A song about the story of Frances Farmer, who was declared insane
and lobotomized.

Dumb (2:20)
- Ignorance is bliss. There is a certain care-free happiness involved in
being dumb. Drug related thems dominate the song.

Very Ape (1:55)
- An Attack on the stereotypical macho man.

Milk it (3:52)
- A song about co-dependancy, it heavily carries the medical theme.

Pennyroyal Tea (3:36)
- A song about making a tough decision and the difficult choices around it
and the guilt following it. Pennyroyal Tea is an abortive substance.

Radio Friendly Unit Shifter (4:49)
- According to Kurt this song is a throwaway. A bunch of random
poetry lines thrown together. The title is a reference to 'Smells Like
Teen Spirit' and it's slick, radio-friendly sound.

tourette's (1:33)
- This song has no meaning at all. Kurt just screamed alot.
based on tourette's syndrome, which causes one to shout out obscenities
at any time.

All Apologies (3:50)
- Contrary to popular belief, this song is not about Francis and Courtney.
He wrote it for them, but none of the lyrics really apply.

Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through the Strip (7:33) (Import version)
-More or less, a poem to words. This is an improv-style song

III. Trivia

There have been 2 other bands called Nirvana, one was a group from the early
sixties who had one minor hit, and the other is a Christian band from the early

Courtney was married in an old dress of Francis Farmer's

Frances was not named after Francis Farmer, but after a member of the
Vaselines. Kurt says he'd wished he'd thought of naming her after
Farmer.

Frances's middle name comes from the shape she appeared in a sonogram (bean).
A picture of the sonogram appears on the cover of the Lithium single on
the left side.

Stay Away was originally called 'Pay To Play' and was recorded at t hat. A last
minute change of taste caused the change.
Breed was originally called 'Immodium' based on the medicine that the
lead singer of Tad used on one of their European tours.

In Utero went through 2 name changes. It was originally to be called 'I hate
myself and want to die' and then later 'Verse-Chorus-Verse'. Both of these
are songs from the In Utero sessions.

The pictures in the Incesticide liner are (from l to r):
Kurt, Krist, Dave, Dale Crover, Chad Channing, Dan Peters

CD Club Nirvana numbers:
Columbia BMG
-------- ---

Nevermind 442-046 15600
Incesticide 453-340 00629
In Utero 467-159 90124

The morning of the New Music Seminar 7/23/93, Kurt od'd on heroin,
Courtney injected him with an illegal drug used to wake people
who've od'd on heroin. He went onstage and performed. No one knew
the difference.

The rights for 'Never Fade Away: The Kurt Cobain Story' were sold
to Paradigm Talent, who plan to make a movie. Cobain's family prevented
Azerrad from selling the rights to his stunning AUTHORIZED biography
'Come As You Are: The Story Of Nirvana'.

Where did the title for Smells Like Teen Spirit come from? the deodorant?
One day Kurt and a friend were having a discussion about teenage revolution,
they later got drunk and his friend wrote on the wall 'Kurt smells like
teen spirit', Kurt was inspired, he thought she meant he would be
the type of person who could incite a teen rebellion. He went and wrote the
song. She thought that he just smelled like the deodorant. Kurt hadn't heard
of the deodorant at the time, he claims to have rarely used it himself.

What about Rape Me?
Kurt always insisted that it wasn't aimed at the media, but one line
of the song is directed toward the Vanity Fair article and it's author,
Lynn Hirschberg. 'My favorite inside source', Lynn claimed to have gotten
the info that Courtney did heroin the whole time of her pregnance from
'an inside source'. The song itself is a song of justice (as Kurt put it),
A guy rapes a girl, goes to prison, and is raped there.

Is it Kurt, Kurdt, Curt...etc...?
It is spelled Kurt, the odd spelling Kurdt came from when they recorded
'Mexican Seafood' for the Teriyaki Asthma compilation. When it came time
to make the album, they realized that they didn't know Kurt's name
so they got ahold of someone who 'thought they knew' and it went from there.
Incidentally, the people at Caroline records (who put out the Teriyaki
Asthma compilation) received no money for the appearance of 'Mexican Seafood'
on Incesticide because they didn't bother with a contract cuz they didn't
didn't make contracts for any bands.

What's the deal between Kurt and Axl?
Axl had asked Kurt to join them on their huge tour. Kurt declined.
Later Axl asked Kurt to play at his 30th birthday party. Kurt declined.

This is from 'The Advocate' Feb 03 1993. Kurt was asked 2 questions about
Guns and Roses.
Q: Is there anything about Guns N' Roses' music you like?

A: I can't think of a damn thing. I can't even waste my time on that band,
because they're so obviously pathetic and untalented. I used to think that
everything in the mainstrteam pop world was crap, but now that some
underground bands have been signed with majors, I take Guns N' Roses as
more of an offense. I have to look into it more: They're really
talentless people, and they write crap music, and they're the most popular
rock band on the earth right now. I can't believe it.

Q: Didn't Axl Rose say something nasty to you at the MTV Video Music
Awards in September?

A: They actually tried to beat us up. Courtney and I were with the baby
in the eating area backstage, and Axl walked by. So Courtney yelled,
"Axl! Axl, come over here!" We just wanted to say hi to him--we think
he's a joke, but we just wanted to say something to him. So I said,
"Will you be the godfather of our child?" I don't know what had
happened before that to piss him off, but he took his aggressions
out on us and began screaming bloody murder.
These were his words: "You shut your bitch up, or I'm taking you down
to the pavement." [laughs] Everyone around us just burst out into tears of
laughter. She wasn't even saying anything mean, you know? So I turned to
Courtney and said, "Shut up, bitch!" And everyone laughed and he left.
So I guess I did what he wanted me to do--be a man. [laughs]

Kurt told this story to the crowd at the Portland OR 9/10/92 concert, try
to get it if you can.

What went on with the Vanity Fair article?
Vaity Fair wrote an article about Courtney and her drug use. They twisted
the facts and got the Cobains into a lot of trouble. Kurt was asked
Once again this is taken from 'The Advocate' Feb 03 1994.
Kurt: I've never read an article that was more convincing yet more
ridiculous in my life. Everybody from our record label to our management
to our closest friends believed that shit.
She [Hirschberg] did a really good job of taking a piece of what
Courtney had said and turning it into something completely different.
I've seen that happen before--it's happened with me alot of times--but this
was such an extreme and done so well that I have to give her credit.
She's a master at being catty.

Q: What about the drug use?

A: Courtney was honest about the heroin excursion we went on for a few
months. Then Courtney found herself pregnant, realized she was pregnant
and had a drug problem, and got off drugs. It's as simple as that.
But it made it look like eight months after the fact, Courtney was still
nine months pregnant and still doing drugs and everyone was really
concerned. Like there was some awful den of iniquity going on in our
apartment. I looked really skinny. Well, I am a skinny person, and
I gain ten pounds every time I'm photographed, so peopel assume I'm this
chunky, normal weight person.
I'm just so tired of talking about this. We have to live with the
resuslts of this one article every fucking day. It's something we have to
deal with all the time.

The results of thie article were that there was an investigation into
the Cobains that resulted in Francis being taken away for some time
(Courtney's sister took care of her). They finally got custody back
after being able to prove they were good parents.

How do I get bootlegs?
A common way for people to start is to buy a bootleg and then trade with
it on the internet, or find someone on the internet who is willing to
sell copies. Here is a small 'advertisement' that was mailed to me from
someone (who wishes to remain anonymous) about KTS records.

NIRVANA rare live recordings direct from
the CD Music Company in Italy,
(Kiss The Stone)

Title year reference
-----------------------------------------
Blind Pig 1990 CM 001
Seventh Heaven 1991 KTS 041
Dumb 1992 KTS 133
All Accoustically 1993 KTS 253
ROMA 1994 KTS 284
The Eternal Legacy 1994 KTS 336

USA, Japan and Australia Prices
------------------------------------------------
The price is 22.00 US $ for each disc,
Postage is as follows,
Each additional disc $2.00
------------------------------------------------

Europe prices,
------------------------------------------------
The price is 25000 Lire/12 pounds/30 DM
Postage is as follows,
Each additional disc 2000 lire/1 pound/2.5 DM
Europeans may pay in Lire with a Eurocheque
------------------------------------------------

You can pay with an International money order or with the following
cards, Visa, Eurocard, Mastercard, American Express, Diners - give the
name, the card number and the expiry date. You cannot pay with a
personal cheque and don't send cash.

If you pay with AMEX they always need to charge the credit card your
billing address. Orders above 8 cd's must be paid with an
International Money Order If you order more than 10 cd's you can have
one free. Any complaints will be accepted after one month from the
shipping date.

Send your order, giving the references and quantity of the discs to
-------------------------------------------------------------------
CD Music Company SRL,
Via Canaletto 18,
Forli,
ITALY

(DISCLAIMER: I have no affiliation with KTS records and gain nothing
if you buy from them. I'm just relaying information.)

What are the hidden songs?
Endless, Nameless appears on some pressings of Nevermind.
The song begins 10 minutes after Something in the Way ends.
It wasn't included on the first printing (50,000).

Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through The Strip appears on import
versions of In Utero. It is 20 minutes after All Apologies.

Verse Chorus Verse appears on the end of the No Alternative compilation.

IV. Internet Nirvana Resources

Ftp: ftp.uwp.edu pub/music/artists/n/nirvana
Contains: lyrics, guitar tab, pictures (.gif), discography

WWW: http://www.ludd.luth.se/~burrito
Contains: more lyrics, discography, other fun stuff, a
large Picture gallery (.gif,.jpg).

http://seds.lpl.arizona.edu/~smiley/nirvana/home.html
Contains: Lyrics, Concert Chronology, Bootleg Guide,
and some other info. Also contains Hole stuff.

http://www2.ecst.csuchico.edu/~jedi/nirvana/html
Contains: Lyrics, FAQ, Pictures (soon)

Discography: Kept by alee@quads.uchicago.edu.

FAQ: Kept by me (jmcrae@oswego.oswego.edu) posted bimonthly to
alt.music.nirvana

Tour Date list: being compiled by Kurt Vogel (kwv@leland.stanford.edu)
mail him the parts of your bootleg lists with the
show dates on them.

Mailing list: Run by Rick Scaia (ag725@freenet.carleton.ca)
List address is aj781@freenet.hsc.colorado.edu

Bootleg Guide & Bootleg Guide Mailing List: Kept by greg@america.net

V. The Song List

The Almost Complete Nirvana song list
Names in parenthesis indicate bootleg names of the songs.
Cover songs are listed with the true authors in brackets
An asterix immediately after the title indicates true
title is not known.

About a Girl
Aero Zeppelin
Alcohol (High On the Hog)
All Apologies (Mary)
Aneurysm
Beans
Been A Son
Beeswax
Big Cheese
Big Long Now
Blandest
Blew
Born In A Junkyard *
Breed (Immodium)
Come As You Are
Crisco
Curmudgeon
D - 7 {The Wipers}
Dive
Downer
Do You Love Me? {Kiss}
Drain You
Dumb
Endless Nameless
Even In His Youth
Floyd The Barber
Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle
Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through The Strip
Hairspray Queen
Heart-Shaped Box
Help me I'm hungry *
Here She Comes Now {Velvet Underground}
I Hate Myself And Want To Die
If You Must (Happy Hour)
In Bloom
In His Room (In His Hands)*
Jesus Didn't Want Me For A Sunbeam {The Vaselines}
Lake Of Fire {The Meat Puppets}
Lithium
Lounge Act
Love Buzz {Shocking Blue}
Man Who Sold The World {David Bowie}
Marigold
Mexican Seafood
Milk It
Molly's Lips {The Vaselines}
Money Will Roll Right In {Mudhoney}
Mr. Moustache
Mv (Moist Vagina)
Negative Creep
Oh Me {The Meat Puppets}
Oh, The Guilt (It takes a time)
On A Plain
On The Mountain *
Opinion
Paper Cuts
Pay To Play
Pen Cap Chew
Pennyroyal Tea (Tired, Household Drugs)
Plateau {The Meat Puppets}
Polly
Radio Friendly Unit Shifter
Rape Me (Wreck Me)
Raunchola
Return Of The Rat {The Wipers}
Run, Rabbit Run
Scentless Apprentice
School
Scoff
Serve The Servants
Sifting
Sliver
Smells Like Teen Spirit
Spank Thru (Make it Big, Freedom of Choise)
Spectre (Misery Loves Company)*
Something In The Way
Son of a Gun {The Vaselines}
Stain
Stay Away
Swap Meet
Talk To Me *
Territorial Pissings
Token Eastern Song
Tourette's (The Eagle has Landed)
Turnaround {Devo}
Where Did You Sleep Last Night {Leadbelly}
Verse-Chorus-Verse (Another Rule, Everything and Nothing, Sappy)
Very Ape

VI. Demo List
This is a list of known studio sessions, or studio-style sessions
Thanks to Sean Rohde on this one (srohde@sun1.iusb.indiana.edu)

The Nirvana demo list

Fecal Matter demo
Sound of Dentage / Bambi Slaughter / Laminated Effect / Downer (instrumental)
plus 3 others

April '87 Evergreen College
The Sk id Row demo
KAOS Radio show
Love Buzz / Floyd the Barber / Downer / Mexican Seafood / Spank Thru /
Hairspray Queen / plus 3 others

Reciprocal Studio Demo w/ Dale Crover
Endino Produced Jan 23 1988
Floyd the Barber / Paper Cuts / Downer / If You Must / Pen Cap Chew /
Spank Thru / Beeswax / Mexican Seafood / Hairspray Queen / Aero Zeppelin /
Big Long Now(?)
(Sub Pop has this demo somewhere)

Four Song demo of "wierd, quirky songs"
Beans + 3 others (Sad, Seed, Cracker)?

Love Buzz single session
June 11, 1988
Love Buzz / Big Cheese / Spank Thru / Blandest +2 others(?)

Bleach Recording Sessions
December 24 & 29 1988
Blew / About A Girl / School / Negative Creep / Scoff / Swap Meet /
Mr. Moustache / Sifting / Floyd The Barber(not used) / Paper Cuts (not used)
Polly / Sappy / 'Spectre'
Dive / Do You Love Me

Blew EP session
Late Summer '89
Even In His Youth / Token Eastern Song / Polly / Been A Son / Stain

August 1989 Leadbelly covers session w/ Mark Lanegan
Where Did You Sleep Last Night (Kurt: guitar) / Ain't it a shame (Kurt: vocals)

John Peel BBC Radio 1 session
October 1989
Love Buzz / Polly / About A Girl / Spank Thru

January 11, 1990 Recording with Danny Peters
Sliver

Laundry Room Recording for Communion Label 1990
Here She Comes Now

Smart Sessions April '90
Polly / Immodium (Breed) / Pay To Play / In Bloom / Dive / Broken Mirrors
(Lithium) / Sappy

Kurt's Acoustic appearance on KAOS
Opinion / ????? (don't know if others were played)

John Peel session October 1990
Turnaround / Son Of A Gun / Molly's Lips

Music Source Session
Jan 1, 1991
Aneurysm / Even In His Youth

Nevermind recording sessions
May - June 1991
Dumb / In Bloom / Territorial Pissings / Something In The Way / Stay Away /
Smells Like Teen Spirit / On A Plain / Endless Nameless / Lithium /
Drain You / Come As You Are / Lounge Act

Fall 1991 Peel Session
Dumb / Drain You / Endless Nameless

Mark Goodier Radio 1 session
Nov 13 1991
Been A Son / New Wave Polly / Aneurysm / Something In The Way

Holland Radio Session
Here She Comes Now (acoustic) / Where did you sleep last night?
(acoustic) / Return of the Rat (?) / Crisco

Laundry Room session 1992
Curmdugeon / Oh, The Guilt / Return Of The Rat (?)

Laundry Room session 11/92
Kurt put down the guitar part for Burroughs 'The priest they called him'

Albini Sessions for In Utero
March 1993
I Hate Myself And Want To Die / Moist Vagina / Marigold /
Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through the Strip / tourette's /
Serve The Servants / Rape Me / All Apologies / Milk It / Heart-Shaped Box /
Radio Friendly Unit Shifter / Very Ape / Pennyroyal Tea / Frances Farmer
Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle / Scentless Apprentice / Dumb

Laundry Room session Summer 1993
V erse-Chorus-V erse (remake of Sappy)

Seattle Session early '94
On The Mountain (rumored) / The Man Who Sold The World (rumored)
+ others???

VII. Stuff that really doesn't fit elsewhere.

Krist Novoselic's internet posts -
This is the second post, I didn't save the first one, but it had
to do with Steven Tyler of Aerosmith (if anyone has it, mail me):

Here it is:

>From [email address deleted] Wed Nov 9 18:12:43 EST 1994

Thank you all for th e messages. I cannot answer n any of them. I am sorry.
I don't have the time or the energy and frankly, I can't dwell on Nirvana.
I can't spill my guts. It's too personal and again, I can't dwell on it. I
guess I'm the little bass player who can't. Chugga, chugga, choo, choo.
Wow that was a rush. I'm embarassed! There is too much pain. I'm over the
daily "grief waves" but still go through feelings of confusion, anger, regrets,
missing him and alot of times a feeling of beautiful loving feelings for my
friend. Fuck this is enough. Next time I'll upload so my software can tell
me when i am repeating words too often. It's late and I'm kinda tired.
Nothing matters anymore anyway. The christians are going to baptise us
before we're marched up to the wall. I'm talking about the mid term elections.
When the Christian coalition comes a knocken, both house's are gonna have to
heed. If that's the case, God help us all! (sic) True Christains want to
emulate Jesus. You know, to be right on and not judge, be forgiving bring
wine to weddings and have long hair and a beard.
The suede denim secret police are gonna get me for that one, fer sure. Wow,
by the way I've been rambling, you'd think that I was Courtney or some thing.
I could never match that prose though, shre(Whoops) she should get her degree.
So many people are gonna read this because Krist Novoselic wrote it but let
me tell you this, I am a man of the proletariat! This is quite a boast comming
from my tax bracket. Remember, socialism is an ethic not an ideology! I write
this under the gase of an actual portrait, not a print, of Lenin. I scored
this at the Pike Place Market and it came from some soviet beu bureau in
Vladivostok. Newt Gingrich has his St Paul I have no one. You don't think
that I'm some le bolshevik. Who needs Lenin when you have Mao? I'm gonna
start a shining path sattelite up here in the northwest. I want a Satellite
with a 383 and a four speed pistol grip shifter. Super Bee. Coronet. Charger.
The whole of this silly rant is that I really don't have much to say, right
now. Sure if I were to be in the seat next to you on a plane and we struck
up a conversation, we'd pass the time by discussing the topics of the day or
what ever. I cannot answe5r Nirvana questions. The mail I got was sweet and
I apreaciate it by hey, as the Flav says, "Can't do nothing for you man!"
To be truthful, I'll read your messages but won't reply. Who am I any way.
I'm the guy next in line at Safeway. I'm the person in the left lane of traffic
who gets uptight when people won't get over. I was in an e imencly popular
rock band. Did I spell immense right? What ever. I understand the power of
music so i understand you all. Sometimes I can't understand jack asses who
talk shit about dear old Kurt but as a true democrat,NO party affiliation,
I'll respect the fact that they have a right to thier opinion, no matter how
shallow and misinformed it is. We need more respect in this world.
Remember that the music biz and the rock press have a symbiotic relationship.
Remember that Nirvana was about music, first and foremost.
Remeber Leon Trotsky. THe Fugs, "Dirty Old Man".
Remember not to e mail me. I will not answer.
You are all good. good bye and god blesss!

The murder theory:

This is a 'statement' made by Courtney Love's PI regarding Kurt's death:

Titled - "The Killing of Kurt Cobain"

Solving a mystery isn't always an investigator's most difficult job,
breaking down barriers of communication between a private investigator
and the police detectives can often be next to impossible. On Sunday,
Aril 3, 1994, I was hired by Courtney Love to try to locate her
husband, Kurt Cobain. Until now, I have refused to release any
information regarding my investigation with the exception of a few
minor details given to the Seattle Times for a story in the May 11, 1994 issue.

In the interest of saving space, I am not going to rehash those events
here except to say that since the discovery of Kurt's body on April
event of his death. During the initial phase of this investigation,
mistakes were made by the police and by myself. That's going to happen
in any complex case.

Attempts may be made to discredit me or worked out to distract from
what I have to say. If that tactic is attempted by anyone directly
involved in this case, a word to the wise, I may take some nicks and
scrapes here and there but no matter how much money, power or influence
you think you have, you will be shooting bee-bees (sp?) at a canon.

Those working near me during these past eight months are aware of how
careful I have been while discussing those theories about specific
details and events. I may have had strong beliefs about some of my
perceptions but, I always qualify those beliefs with "I can't say for
sure" or "I think" or "it seems" or "I'm pretty sure". So when I now
say I know Kurt Cobain was murdered and I say it can be proven, I want
you to realize the significance of those statements. I have walked
through a door that only swings in one direction. If I try to get out,
I'm stuck. There is no way out and you won't find me looking for one.

Sure, Kurt talked about his thoughts of suicide in years past. Yes, it
may have seemed to some that he might even do it one day. But many in
the media perceive something not quite right here and few were in a
position to know exactly what it was. I have been in a position to
know, a very good position. Now I am going to share the answers to
many of your troubling questions. Here is what I am going to tell you
right now: Kurt Cobain wanted out. He wanted out of performing on
tour, he wanted out of his band, he wanted out of the business that was
pressuring him to produce his music instead of simply playing. But
Kurt Cobain did not want out of life.

Regarless of what the coroner's report might say, Kurt Cobain died
Sunday evening, April 3rd or early Monday morning, April 4th. Although
he may have been seen at the local park by the lake on Sunday, April
is either lying or they don't really exist. Most information about
these "witnesses" have been deliberately planted in the media. At
least two people knew Kurt was dead before I was sent to Seattle to
search for him on Wednesday, April 6th.

Contrary to the police reports, the note found at the scene was not a
suicide note. It was not written to Courtney and Frances. It was a
long, detailed letter written to Kurt's fans with a very short footnote
to Frances and Courtney. The letter explained his decision to quit
touring and stop performing with his band. Kurt was leaving Seattle to
go East and stay with friends. He wanted to be left alone. He didn't
want anyone to follow including his wife. That is what this letter is
all about. That is ALL this letter is about. The body of the letter
was written by Kurt with the exception of the following words added at
the bottom, "Which will be so much happier without me. I love you, I
love you". Those words were added by someone else without Kurt's
knowledge. I have more to say about this letter at another time.

In the near future, I am going to be furnishing the press with
additional details regarding the killing of Cobain. For the time
being, all information will be in the written form. I am not going to
answer questions until after I have had a chance to deliver most of my
story in proper sequence. Following are some of the topics I am going
to cover: the missing credit card, the surveillance in Seattle, my
search of the Cobain house, my meetings with the police, the police
reports, planted stories and media manipulation, sources inside and
out, getting to know Kurt, Cobain's killer identified, the proof and
what about Kristen Pfaff.

It has been a long and tedious investigation. It has also been a
delicate balancing act, staying in a place where I could continue
gathering information while at the same time maintaining integrity with
regard to one of my clients. More will be said about that also at
another time.

Keep your eyes, ears and minds open. This is not going to float around
as just another speculative conspiracy theory. The case is going to be
proven and those involved will be prosecuted.

Was Kurt Cobain suicidal? Maybe, but many who were close to him, who
really knew him, say not really. Would Kurt Cobain have committed
suicide sooner or later? Possibly, but many who knew him say not in
this way, not without more concern for his daughter, Frances. Did Kurt
Cobain commit suicide? NO. There was no suicide. This was no suicide.

Mini book reviews:
This is a list of the books out there dealing with Nirvana that I've
read, and my opinion on them.

Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana - by Michael Azerrad
-A necessity. If you like Nirvana and don't have this book, go out and
buy it. Referred to on alt.music.nirvana as "CAYA".

Route 666: On the Road to Nirvana - by Gina Arnold
-I skimmed this book in the bookstore one day, and it only appeared to
briefly mention the band. The main focus is on the music scene.

Never Fade Away: The Kurt Cobain Story - by Dave Thompson
-This book reads like a tabloid newspaper does. Filled with
inaccuracies.

Cobain - The Editors of Rolling Stone
-This is a great collection of articles and interviews about Nirvana
from the archives of Rolling Stone. The pictures are great and so are
the articles.

Kurt Cobain's complete suicide note:

DISCLAIMER: This is the note as it appeared in NME. The original
note is in the hands of the Seattle Police Department. Two copies
were made, one given to the Medical Examiner, the second to
Courtney Love. It was Courtney's copy that showed up in NME.
It was a difficult decision for me to put this in here, but it is
one of the most frequently asked questions.
Thanks to Liz Ellison on this one!

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would
rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty
easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first
introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the
embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the
excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and
writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.

For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of
the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy
Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd,
which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you,
any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think
of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having

Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out
on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,
God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and
we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those
narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive.
I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a
child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people
I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the
frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of
us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel
too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man! < BR>Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who
reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every
person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that
terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the
thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker
that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've
become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy
for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry
for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters
and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby!
I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out
than to fade away.

Peace, Love, Empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

note on the note: In the book 'Cobain' they mention that Boddah was
one of Kurt's imaginary friends as a child.

February 20, 1967: Kurt Cobain is born.

January 14, 1969: Dave Grohl is born.

Fall 1985: Kurt meets Krist. They play in several bands together, including Stiff Woodies.

December 1986: Kurt, Krist and drummer Aaron Burckhard form the original lineup of Nirvana in Aberdeen, Washington.

Spring 1987: Nirvana plays their first gig at a house party in Raymond WA.

January 23, 1988: Nirvana records a 10-song demo with the "Godfather of Grunge," legendary Seattle producer Jack Endino. Sub Pop co-honcho Jonathan Poneman hears the tape and offers to put out a Nirvana single. The band accepts.

Spring 1988: Aaron Burckhard leaves the band. His replacement Dave Foster lasts a matter of months and is eventually replaced by Chad Channing.

October 30, 1988: Kurt smashes his first guitar.

November 1988: The "Love Buzz/Big Cheese" single is released on Sub Pop.

January 1989: Jason Everman joins Nirvana as second guitarist.

January 1989: Nirvana records their debut album Bleach for Sub Pop with Jack Endino. The recording budget comes to $606.17

March 1989: Melody Maker runs a series of pieces on the Seattle music scene. The grunge explosion is underway.

June 1989: Bleach is released on Sub Pop. Nirvana embarks on a month-long U.S. tour.

October 1989: Nirvana begins a 6-week European Tour supporting TAD.

December 1989: The Blew EP is released on Tupelo Records.

April/May 1990: Nirvana tours the US. At tour's end Chad Channing leaves the band.

September 22, 1990: Nirvana plays Motor Sports International Garage with Mudhoney's Dan Peters on drums. Peters leaves the band.

September 25, 1990: Dave Grohl, former drummer for Washington, D.C band Scream, joins Nirvana.

October 1990: Nirvana briefly tours England with L7.

Winter 1991: Nirvana signs with DGC Records.

May/June 1991: Nirvana records Nevermind with producer Butch Vig.

June 1991: Nirvana tours briefly with Dinosaur Jr.

August 1991: Nirvana opens for Sonic Youth on a European festival tour, which includes a landmark performance at the Reading Festival. The tour is documented in the film 1991: The Year Punk Broke.

September 24, 1991: Nevermind is released.

October 12, 1991: Nevermind is certified a gold album.

November 1991: The band starts a six-week European tour as Nirvanamania sweeps the United States. MTV airs "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video constantly; the song is hailed as an anthem for a generation.

December 1991: Nirvana plays three US dates with Red Hot Chili Peppers and Pearl Jam.

January 11, 1992: Nevermind hits No. 1 on the Billboard 200 album chart.

January/February 1992: Nirvana tours Australia, Japan and Hawaii.

April 1992: Nirvana appears on the cover of Rolling Stone.

June/July 1992: Nirvana tours Europe.

December 15, 1992: Incesticide, a collection of B-sides and rarities, is released. It goes gold the following spring.

February 1993: Nirvana begins recording In Utero with Steve Albini.

April 9, 1993: Nirvana plays a concert at San Francisco's Cow Palace to raise awareness of and generate aid for rape survivors in Bosnia-Herzegovina. L7, the Breeders and Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy are also on the bill.

July 23, 1993: Nirvana plays a surprise show at Roseland in New York City during the New Music Seminar. The band showcases songs from their upcoming album.

September 21, 1993: In Utero is released.

September 25, 1993: Nirvana appears on Saturday Night Live. Former Germs guitarist PatSmear joins the bands as second guitarist.

October 18, 1993: Nirvana starts a three-month tour of North America.

November 19, 1993: Nirvana tapes an all-acoustic show for "MTV Unplugged" at Sony Studios in New York. Cris and Curt Kirkwood of the Meat Puppets sit in on three Meat Puppets songs.

December 16, 1993: MTV airs Nirvana's "Unplugged" show.

January 7, 1994: Nirvana plays the Seattle Arena. It will be the band's last U.S. show.

February 6, 1994: Nirvana embarks on a tour of Europe.

April 8, 1994: Kurt Cobain is found dead of a self-inflicted shotgun wound.

November 1, 1994: Nirvana's "MTV Unplugged" performance is released as MTV Unplugged in New York. Two tracks not aired on the MTV broadcast appear on the album.

October 1, 1996: The Nirvana live album, From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah, is released, featuring performances from 1989 to 1994.

Kurt Cobain (vocals, guitar) met Krist Novoselic (bass) in 1985 in Aberdeen, Washington, a small logging town 100 miles away from Seattle. While Novoselic came from a relatively stable background, Cobain's childhood had been thrown into turmoil when his parents divorced when he was eight. Following the divorce, he lived at the homes of various relatives, developing a love for the Beatles and then heavy metal in the process. Eventually, American hardcore punk worked its way into dominating his listening habits and he met the Melvins, an Olympia-based underground heavy punk band. Cobain began playing in punk bands like Fecal Matter, often with the Melvins' bassist Dale Crover. Through the Melvins' leader Buzz Osbourne, Cobain met Novoselic, who also had an intense interest in punk, which meant that he, like Cobain, felt alienated from the macho, redneck population of Aberdeen. The duo decided to form a band called the Stiff Woodies, with Cobain on drums, Novoselic on bass and a rotating cast of guitarists and vocalists. The group went through name changes as quickly as guitarists, before deciding that Cobain would play guitar and sing. Re-named Skid Row, the new trio featured drummer Aaron Burkhart, who left the band by the end of 1986 and was replaced by Chad Channing. By 1987, the band was called Nirvana.

Nirvana began playing parties in Olympia, gaining a cult following. During 1987, the band made ten demos with producer Jack Endino, who played the recordings to Jonathan Poneman, one of the founders of the Seattle-based indie label Sub Pop. Poneman signed Nirvana, and in December of 1988, the band released their first single, a cover of Shocking Blue's "Love Buzz." Sub Pop orchestrated an effective marketing scheme, which painted the band as back-woods, logging-town hicks, which irritated Cobain and Novoselic. While "Love Buzz" was fairly well-received, the band's debut album, Bleach, was what began the ball rolling. Recorded for just over $600 and released in the spring of 1989, Bleach slowly became a hit on college radio, due to the group's consistent touring. Though Jason Everman was credited as a second guitarist on the sleeve of Bleach, he didn't appear on the record; he only toured in support of the album before leaving the band at the end of the year to join Soundgarden and then Mindfunk. Bleach sold 35, 000 copies and Nirvana became favorites of college radio, the British weekly music press and Sonic Youth, Mudhoney and Dinosaur Jr., which was enough to attract the attention of major labels.

During the summer, Nirvana released "Sliver" / "Dive," which was recorded with Mudhoney's Dan Peters on drums and was produced by Butch Vig. The band also made a six-song demo with Vig, which was shopped to major labels, who soon began competing to sign the group. By the end of the summer, Dave Grohl, formerly of the DC-based hardcore band Scream, had become Nirvana's drummer and the band signed with DGC for $287, 000. Nirvana recorded their second album with Vig, completing the record in the summer. Following a European tour supporting Sonic Youth in the late summer, Nevermind was released in September, supported by a quick American tour. While DGC was expecting a moderately successful release, in the neighborhood of 100, 000 copies, Nevermind immediately became a smash hit, quickly selling-out its initial shipment of 50, 000 copies and creating a shortage across America. What helped the record become a success was "Smells Like Teen Spirit," a blistering four-chord rocker that was accompanied by a video that shot into heavy MTV rotation. By the beginning of 1992, "Smells Like Teen Spirit" had climbed into the American Top Ten and Nevermind bumped Michael Jackson's much-touted comeback album Dangerous off the top of the album charts; it reached the British Top Ten shortly afterward. By February, the album had been certified triple platinum.

Nirvana's success took the music industry by surprise, Nirvana included. It soon become apparent that the band wasn't quite sure how to handle their success. Around the time of Nevermind's release, the band was into baiting their audience -- Cobain appeared on MTV's Headbanger's Ball in drag, the group mocked the tradition of miming on the BBC's Top of the Pops by Novoselic throwing his bass into the air constantly, and Cobain sang his live vocals in the style of Ian Curtis, and their traditional live destruction of instruments was immortalized on a Saturday Night Live performance that ended with Novoselic and Grohl sharing a kiss -- but by the spring, questions had begun to arise about the band's stablity. Cobain married Courtney Love, the leader of the indie-rock/foxcore band Hole, in February of 1992, announcing that the couple was expecting a child in the fall. Shortly after the marriage, rumors that the couple were heavy heroin users began to circulate, and the strength of the rumors only increased when Nirvana cancelled several summer concerts and refused to mount a full-scale American tour during the summer. Cobain complained that he was suffering from chronic stomach troubles, which seemed to be confirmed when he was admitted to a Belfast hospital after a June concert. But, heroin rumors continued to surface, especially in the form of a late-summer Vanity Fair article which implied that Love was using during her pregnancy. Both Love and Cobain denied the article's allegations, and publicly harrassed and threatened the article's author. Love delivered France Bean Cobain, a healthy baby, on August 18, 1992, but the couple soon battled with Los Angeles' children's services, who claimed they were unfit parents on the basis of the Vanity Fair article. The couple was granted custody of their child by the beginning of 1993.

Since Cobain was going through such well-documented personal problems, Nirvana was unable to record a followup to Nevermind until the spring of 1993. In the meantime, DGC released the odds-and-ends compilation Incesticide late in 1992; the album reached number 39 in the US and number 14 UK. As the group prepared to make their third album, they released "Oh, the Guilt" as a split-single with the Jesus Lizard on Touch & Go Records. Choosing Steve Albini (Pixies, Breeders, Big Black, Jesus Lizard) as their producer, Nirvana recorded their third album In Utero in two weeks during the spring of 1993. Following its completion, controversy began to surround Nirvana again. Cobain suffered a heroin overdose on May 2, but the event hidden from the press. The following month, Love called police to their Seattle home after Cobain locked himself in the bathroom, threatening suicide. Prior to debuting In Utero material during the New Music Seminar at New York's Roseland Ballroom in July, Cobain had another covered-up overdose. By that time, reports began to circultate, including an article in Newsweek, that DGC was unhappy with the forthcoming album, accusing that the band deliberately made an uncommercial record. Both the band and the label denied such allegations. Deciding that Albini's production was too flat, Nirvana decided to remaster the album with R.E.M.'s producer, Scott Litt.

In Utero was released in September of 1993 to positive reviews and strong initial sales, debuting at the top of the US and UK charts, and Nirvana supported it with a fall American tour, hiring former Germs member Pat Smear as an auxiliary guitarist. While the album and the tour were both successful, sales weren't quite as strong as expected, with several shows not selling out until the week of the concert. As a result, the group agreed to play MTV's acoustic Unplugged show at the end of the year, and sales of In Utero picked up after its December airing. After wrapping up the US tour on January 8, 1994 with a show at the Center Arena in Seattle, Nirvana embarked on a European tour in February. Following a concert in Munich on February 29, Cobain stayed in Rome to vacation with Love. On March 4, she awakened to find that Cobain had attempted suicide by overdosing on the tranquilizer Rohypnol and drinking champagne. While the attempt was initially reported as an accidental overdose, it was known within the Nirvana camp that the vocalist had left behind a suicide note.

Cobain returned to Seattle within a week of his hospitilization, and his mental illness began to grow. On March 18, the police had to again talk the singer out of suicide after he locked himself in a room threatening to kill himself. Love and Nirvana's management organized an intervention program that resulted in Cobain's admission to the Exodus Recovery Center in LA on March 30, but he escaped from the clinic on April 1, returning to Seattle. His mother filed a missing persons report on April 4. The following day, Cobain shot himself in the head at his Seattle home. His body wasn't discovered until April 8, when an electrician contracted to install an alarm system at the Cobain house stumbled upon the body. After his death, Kurt Cobain was quickly anointed as a spokesman for Generation X, as well as a symbol of its tortured angst.

Novoselic and Grohl planned to release a double-disc live album at the end of 1994, but sorting through the tapes proved to be too painful, so MTV Unplugged in New York appeared in its place. The album debuted at the top of the British and American charts. In 1996, its electric counterpart, From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah, was released, debuting at the top of the US charts. Following Cobain's death, Grohl formed the Foo Fighters, who released their debut album in the summer of 1995. Novoselic formed the trio Sweet 75, who released their debut in the spring of 1997.

Written by Stephen Thomas Erlewine, All-Music Guide

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I don't have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy... and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!